yes, ladies and gentlemen, i AM getting a nose job.  probably this winter.  crazy, huh?

now, before you start lobbing accusations of "vanity" and "inane snobbery" and "finally" (i guess that last one wouldn't be an accusation...), allow me to say two words.  these two words are so full of meaning that they will render your accusations helpless and will watch them wither on the sand dunes in the desert of reprimand:

deviated septum.

yes, friends, the ironic twist is upon us.  nic, so well renowned for his prodigious nasal apparatus, so revered for his ability to draw small children and small vehicles into orbit around his gigantic face-lump, is being forced into surgery because his nasal passages (get this) are

TOO SMALL.

beyond comprehension, i know.  i mean, with all the room for hair, and boogers, and snot, and other various items in the cavernous recesses nic calls his nostrils (such as bits of paper, speaker cables, volkswagens, etc.), you'd think they'd leave enough room for a little air.  but no.  everything else has a spot, but for air there's no room at the inn.

how thrilling.

[i'll keep you informed, with full pictorial coverage, as the events occur.  thanks for reading the "lifeofnic" blog.  if you are now thoroughly bored out of your mind (and goodness knows you should be), please visit my actually interesting blog, at curledupwithmyteddy.  thank you and good night.]